1- I have always been aware of what evil can take forms into. Sometimes it can even take the form of an angel. Imagine standing in front of the devil itself. Such a situation is not only too horrific to be imagined. But let me tell you moments like these do prolong until a person loses count of the seconds they have been in front of such a sight. True to say that it is something I have encountered and never dared to approach since it was very centered in its halo of evil to be approached by a shade of light. It hid away only to be chased by admiring eyes of a person whose innocence of attitude surpassed their innocence of belief. But still it hid away in the darkest corners of my mind. I recall the day I was in my room and heard a voice calling me from my closet. I was going to call somebody, but the entire house was asleep. I approached the closet and looked inside. The light of the lamp, however, was too fragile to notice what was inside. I was about to turn the closet and get back to sleep when I weirdly remarked that my reflection in the mirror in front of me, did not move. I did not look, but did feel the existence of something in the mirror that, was not me. I wanted to walk about, then I thought; “maybe, it wants us to be friends,”. I turned my head slowly to see the most horrific view I had ever seen in my entire youth. Its horribleness made me feel like I aged a hundred years. My eyes were rolling, unable to believe what I was seeing. Its eyes were not there. I also did not see either the ears or the nose. I was, however, surprised to see a wide smile that almost opened his face into two. His teeth were too metallic and shining under the fragile light. I saw it variates in colors. From gray to black. From black to yellow. Then from yellow to red. All shades were presented except for the normal colors of humans. I looked down to see what it was standing on and I was in total shock at its skin, especially that of his legs and hands. I gazed at it only to notice that it was moving! It was a layer upon a layer of worms. Was not sure if it was made of them or if they were eating its skin. However, there was no blood coming out of his body. I only gazed in search of his eyes. How could it see then? It was right there in front of me, in the freshness of the night. When my eyes kept rolling and I soon felt too hypnotized. Preceded by a sickening ache in my stomach. I wanted to move but did not have the urge to. I somehow wanted to know where its eyes were. I noticed what seemed like two circles coming out of its knees toward its face. They were its eyes positioned in their place. However, one eye slipped and went out of its place. It held it in its hand and I was able to notice that his eye did not have one eye bulb, but rather a dozen. One that resembled my mother’s. One that resembled my father’s. Others resembled all of the people I have met in my past. All types, colors, and shapes of eye bulbs were there in one eye. And the way it was boiling as if it wanted to speak. And, I realized that it was, speaking in all hisses and whispers. Pronouncing words of rude insults. I closed the closet and went back to sleep. Not wanting to mention it to anybody, because I thought, that was actually me in the manifest. Maybe, that has always been me, but I did not have a clear vision to see it. That surely explains my loss of friends. But, in the midst of hell there is nothing to blame, not the heat or the devils for the sweat of shame. And it is affirmative to say that I was more ashamed of being an angel than being in a place that I did not belong to. Despite how much it was challenging to run downwards to return back up. Not to get back in the arms of a place that was once called home, but rather to a sight that was actually familiar. Something that had a feature that I considered to be mine. So, it was owned only to be shared and that is how it was lost to be eventually possessed by the riddles of doubt. And it is to see and to testify how wild a person’s mind can be. It is seen as it is shown even from high above the mountains of misbelief that it is my truth. But it is not something to admit as a fact. This results in a dissociation or rather a generalization of the state of unbelief that my mind was too persistent in considering it as an absolute projection of my truth. It was rather a void that kept voiding and a piece that went missing and true to say that such a piece, although fragmented, is highly essential. Still, denial is bigger than my desire to know or rather discover my true self. It is a singularity rather than a multiplicity but the way one kept duplicating into two to four justifies the lack of control to have over one’s thoughts. I thought I should contact this creature and welcome it as a part of me that needs healing. It surely was a unique type of thrill. I recall its sight only to feel the blood boiling in my veins from excitement. My head was spinning and my eyes were always rolling. And, I slowly was being elevated from the real realm. Reality as we know it. This incident only proved that there is surely still a lot to know. When a million questions came into my head. Where was it hiding? What was it doing before it manifested in my closet’s mirror? I would be a liar to say I did not wait for it every day to come around. In the morning, I used to spend long hours getting prepared in front of the mirror. But it did not come. It is true though, that mornings were not his favorite times of the day. It was a lover of the night as I am. However, I am not a lover of darkness as it is. When the city was too quiet to hear the density of the air around, it came slowly. Little did I know back then, that I was losing my sanity at every breath I was breathing. My mother and sister were asleep, and my father was at one of the nightclubs, drowning in the misery his mother has put him into. However, I did not feel alone at all. I heard the voice calling once again so I went rushing to the closet. But it was not there. I searched around me and there it was; a tall black shadow hiding away in the back of the room. It refused to answer me when I asked it what got it to leave the mirror. When I went to sleep, I heard it whisper in my left ear, that it was not my truth. I was not it and it was not me. That was the absolute truth, which took a while to be revealed. When the sun shone the brightest, all shadows will ultimately fall behind. 2 Days turned into months and it was still there in my room, hiding. No one from my entourage was able to see it, not even the kids or the animals, although it was next to them. It used to whisper in my left ear every time I went to sleep; “there are many things that need to be altered,” I woke up to ask it what these things were but it hid away. So, I went back to sleep, unaware of the fact that it kept watching me all night. I woke up the next day feeling extreme fatigue. Had many unorganized thoughts in my mind, and they were all negative ones. I felt a halo of negativity surrounding me. I did not want to go to the gym or the park. I did not want to read or write. My thoughts were all over the room, and I had no idea how to arrange them. I was pulled closer to the mirror where I had noticed; it was there! How could that be? It was daylight though. I remember the look it had in its eyes, of profound mystery and a lust for sadism. I thought to myself then; “this is it” since it must be another self of mine. This is the demon I did not want to face my entire previous twenty years. It was a complexity that was only becoming too complex every time I gazed at it. When its eyes shone the brightest and I was mesmerized, by the way, it looked at me. I kept it as my little secret. Day by day, it grew bigger and soon became too difficult to tame. It kept needing verifications. It used to check on me every single day. The day then became hours. The hours then became moments and it did not go away. It, rather, accompanied me everywhere. I felt it was like a big bird standing on my shoulders piercing my head only to fill it with negative thoughts which soon developed into melancholy. My eyes began to flicker; my hands began to shake. My nose seemed to enlarge as well as my mouth. In fact, my entire body from head to toe was somehow extending. When I moved, I felt I was not only carrying my body but something else also. It was constantly trying to impose its horrific breath on me. Forcing its rotten skin on mine. Imposing its worthless being on mine. Trying desperately to devour me at the closest given opportunity. However, every time I was fed up with its moves, it would invent other ones. Every time I was fed up of its persona, it would invent a new one that was eager in its insistence on accomplishing what it was sent to do. When I walked in the street, I looked up to see him flying. When I was studying or showering it waited outside. It, most certainly, hated showers and did not understand a word of what I was studying. When I went to sleep, it stood away in the dark watching and most certainly waiting for the clock to give it the signal it was waiting for. One day, I was doing one of my tasks when it approached my desk, flipped one of my papers, and, surprisingly, wrote on it. I did not look at what it wrote because I was hearing what it was saying. It’s never been talked about that sincerely before. It was telling its life story. The way it lived far away on top of mountains. Knew only the sky as a real dimension, admired the beauty of the stars, and wished to capture one of them. I asked it why it does not pray for God to give it one. Its reply truly shocked me, when it said it does not know what that is. So, I explained that God is the one and only creator of all of the finite and infinite matters existing on planet earth and beyond. All of the dimensions were not only created by God but also what was within them. I explained that everything alive was God’s creation and at any moment that he desires, everything we thought to know will disappear just like that. Then I snapped my fingers to show it how, and it was gone! I got up from my desk and looked around; it was nowhere to be found. I approached the paper and read the hardly readable saying; “you are my star,” I guess, it realized that nothing was his. It was a matter of fate and God determined it all. What was being applied was sorcery’s order and not God’s order. I guess at that moment, it realized in its little intellect that it was time to fly, away and leave what was not his. Since that day, I have not seen it again, anywhere. I wake up every day with organized thoughts and a clear mind. As the days passed, I realized it was probably a dream. The one to forget, totally and absolutely. It is a fact to be admitted since facts are the only thing to still hold on to as the last straw to find amidst a blackout. I recall also the events that led to that misfortune. Perhaps the wildest one would be to actually admit the fact, the only fact, that it never happened. But it has to be something that has to mean more than a nightmare. Such a presence has to be real since it lowers all doubts or even the thoughts of having any suspicion of its actual existence. I still remember something that I considered to be a friend. I still remember a sight that haunted my dreams. It resided in the darkest corners of my mind, but still it has to be something of a profound realness since its name was capitalized in every infantry dream, I dared to have. How odd it is! I do not remember a day without it since it was constantly chasing a place to actually reside and to be accepted. And that is the truth about us. Back then we were both searching for a place to call ours from a crowd that never cared if we missed a beat one day and forgot to breathe ourselves back into reality.