A wonderful dream

I saw Jesus in a purple sky and pink clouds. He came as light, tall and proud. His length was about the distance between the earth and the sky. He was white with dark soft hair, a beard, and a mustache. He had rosy cheeks and lips, yet he did not pronounce a word. His black round eyes had a promise that I was longing to hear. It was heaven he was showing me the road to as he stood tall in front of the bright sphere of sun. He was wearing a whitish large thobe of redeeming love, with rays of light shining through his eyes translating the pureness of his heart.

In his light, I looked up from our house, hardly opening my eyes to see him approaching the window I was standing in front of. True that it was a small square-shaped window and he would not be able to come into it. So I stood amazed by that light who no one of my family saw except for me. All my life I felt different, but it is only today that I felt that difference is a blessing not a curse.

I felt blessed to the extreme and wanted to shout; " Jesus is here!", but everyone were not seeing it as if he was invisible.

The street was crowded and cars were rushing by with its inpatient drivers. No one saw that he had his feet on earth. He was like an angel or rather a shooting aster of the heavens. It was clear to deny since he had the entire universe filled with his illuminating radiations. I had my eyes half closed when looking up at the sky to see his right hand being pointed at my way. He was asking me to come with him up to the heavens.

"Come and see,” his eyes were loudening a desire I did not dare to express.

To really see, perhaps for the first time, who I am, and who He is. To see myself as a child of God and the divine, with infinite capacities to grow spiritually and become more like Him. To understand that God “hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth” (Acts 17:26) and to see all men everywhere as my brothers and all women as my sisters, with all that implies in terms of sibling responsibility. To see that “he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; … and all are alike unto God” (2 Ne. 26:33).

Seduced by the temptation the other side has, I put my hand in his arm which had the softest of touch. Then I remembered my mother and her fear of loneliness. Before I let go of his hand, I saw him murmuring words of faith and belief. I knew then that all is momentary. Nothing will ever last and it is all a matter of seconds before everything as we ever knew it just ends. No matter how much I put commas rather than points to situations where I should have never been in the first place, it will come to an end anyways.

So I do not need to live forever to make things better. It was a confirmation that I am still a star of the heavens. And it has been said by Jesus himself so my demons can go to hell. I knew my faith was right since the voice of my heart testified that it was not lost. That paradise still awaits its angels, even if their wings were broken here on earth.

I felt all of my worries disappearing from the calming energy he had in his veins.

" he is an angel I swear," my eyes said as I stood gazing at him with eyes as big as my amazement.

He was as if hearing the sound of the planets, angels, and the sun itself. I think he was being called from above so he let go of my hand after he saw I am not coming without my mother, and floated back up. Then the sky closed and it was all like a lullaby song whose lyrics I do not know yet. But my heart knew its hymn although my ears were unfamiliar to it. I saw an enchanting portrait of rose colors like the candy the kids buy at carnivals. It shaded to punch rather than hot pink.

I ran down the hallway to tell my mother how serene the view is from outside the window. As soon as I reached my mother's room, it was a different view. In fact, it was raining heavily. I stood on the balcony to see grey clouds and no light was spotted. Only darkness of a noisy crowd that my appetite soared by such a dull view.

"this is not it," I thought and still it was not a dream.

I went back to the saloon and it was also raining. I stood to watch the rain knowing that the rainbow will always arrive no matter how heavy the rain is. That the light even though not seen, but still awaits as I am.

I woke from the dream to think " oh Jesus with my red hair and smokes, with my irregular prayers, you still come to show me the way after all the ones I knew left!"

Not something I thought to happen when seeing all of the others I thought to have, left out of the blues. Not given a single excuse as to where and why they had done these irrational acts of abundance. I recall somber deserted places where I felt the loneliest and time was too heavy to endure. Yet, I managed as I always do to distance myself from that towards there. Always the abandoned places that make me feel the safest. As if we resemble certain traits of neglect.

The flowers of our garden with its garnished thorns truly look like me in some sort. The question of faith never rang my mind before. I knew I would be saved, but never thought it would be Jesus himself. Not sure how this had led here and I guess it is all the wrong roads that eventually led me back to the correct one.

Once In a Billion Years

Over the course of my years, I have encountered a variety of people whose words were always louder than their gestures. They only projected confusion and some of them were too insistent that it has to be spread, especially in the rows of the young ones.

I used to be a young one myself, full of a secretive desire to discover. One day, I noticed the way the adults around me behaved as I grew up to realize that they actually, misbehaved. Imagine a world where adults do not know what to do or at least what to do next after this child is now born. It is true that the less affordable solution would be to hide in the folds of the statement; ‘ a simple life means easier’.

In the name of simplicity, let us be easier on our kids, just so they would naturally grow up in a total complexity which they will later on discover. It is true that it is the natural order of things and it will be applied despite all variations. Despite the numerous times the days duplicate and the hours became too vague to confront one’s identity. I also noticed that confrontations were not allowed at all. Grown-ups are always right whose opinion is not only unnegotiable but also totally right.

They always know what is best, because the young one would grow up to realize it. However, it surely sounds absurd and most definitely leads to embarrassment. Since adult thoughts are not compatible with young thoughts. In fact, there is a book called NeuroImage that carries on entire research about this very topic. Where it discusses the differences between the child and adult brain in the local functional structure of the cerebral cortex, where it implies that a part of the shaping of the child’s identity is highly remarked in their young age through “progressive sculpting” and researchers came to interpret this through various methods such as image processing and the use of Iso-Distant Average Correlation (IDAC) maps.

However, these methods only led to one stable fact, that of the influence of outside factors on the way the brain develops and ultimately functions, in the way being regarded as absolutely correct. I think a person has to acknowledge the fact that the young brain differs from the adult brain in many areas of development. For example, the link between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center is still developing in the young brain. Which explains why children are always overwhelmed with internal emotions and that shows through their behaviors.

Later on, when they are asked by the adults to explain why they behaved that way (laugh that loud, get too excited…) they simply cannot explain what they were thinking at that moment to behave that way. They simply did what their brains told them to do. So, in this light, it is evident that it is all a matter of outside simulations that explain outside behaviors. Since the young at their age do not tend to think as much as they tend to feel. In this context, Tanja Mcilroy has written an article concerning ‘The Stages of Emotional Development in Early Childhood’, where she states that “Children sometimes act in inappropriate ways because they have not developed an understanding of those emotions or how to express them in the correct ways.”

During their young days, they develop a certain attitude that enables them to gradually learn how to deal with and control emotions, such as fear, jealousy, anger, and sadness, and most importantly to discuss them with adult ones. However, imagine if the adults were too forceful that pain was not to be felt and love is not part of human emotions. This attitude will not lead to abolishing that feeling but rather repressing it. Doing the best they can so that feeling would never surface again. It is undeniable that repressing emotions at a young age causes them more harm. Progressively, and if only done repeatedly, it actually unbalances their brain chemistry.

So, if you are repressing your child’s depressive emotions then you should get ready for more of that feeling in the coming years. It was not your child’s temporary feeling of grief, but rather your repression of that feeling that led to the spread of uncountable physical symptoms that includes; muscle tension and pain, nausea, and digestive problems. It only causes stresses their immune and digestive system. Not forgetting that it also undermines their ability to relate to others. In fact, Crystal Raypole highlighted this concept in his article ‘Let It Out: Dealing With Repressed Emotions’ where he defines repressed emotions as emotions that are unconsciously avoided.

So, I think the unconscious is an important contributor in determining the way the young behave at that age ( one mouth up to twelve ). When every act performed is only done to please their parents according to the ideas they have installed in their thought system to be correct. This makes me think that maybe, growing up is a big error. That the young should have never grown up, as a way to actually escape brutal criticism later on from adults themselves. However, naturally, the young would evolve toward growing beards and teeth that is simply what happens.

Despite this physical evolution, they are constantly questioning; Who am I? And I truly believe that the truth is hidden in the eyes of the beholder and that is all a matter of a blink of an eye for everything to be lost. This state of loss will of no doubt lead to developing one feeling, which happens to be the only one allowed to be felt, that of fear. Sometimes, feelings of embarrassment and humiliation about parts of the young’s identities can influence the way they think about and act toward others.

I hope this article has clarified the influence of ‘’simple’’ words on the youth. Since over time, adults have used a long list of names to refer to their children such as courageous, smart, nice, fearful, and lazy… while it does not reflect a halo of their light. The power and meaning of labels come from adults, who happen to have strength over the youth and they do not hesitate to use them but only for construction. This only makes me count the number of times the probability of change has been counted maybe only once in a billion years.